On my last day working at the zoo I was shoveling poop in the Donkey's pen while he was inside the barn. After about 10 minutes of crying about how much I hated my job, the donkey came out of the barn and stood in the corner of the pen watching me. I turned around and noticed he had an erection. I dropped my poop shovel and started walking towards the gate but the donkey started running towards me. I began to run but suddenly his massive donkey head push me over. I landed in the mud and felt one of his hooves on my back. "Not like this!" I screamed to nobody in particular. I dug my hands into the mud, pulled my body from underneath the weight of his fat belly and, with a burst of speed reserved for barefoot Kenyans, managed to make my way to and through the gate.

I lured the donkey back inside the barn, recovered my belongings, and went to my boss' office. She asked what was wrong so I told her the donkey tried to rape me, handed in my poop shovel, and left.